How to learn to talk to people: the secret to easy communication. How to learn to communicate with people? Secrets of Correct Behavior Development of Communication Skills

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The basic principles of the psychology of communication are based on the literary works of researchers of human behavior in society. A number of rules developed by Dale Carnegie back in the 40s are still relevant today.

To correctly build sentences and make a good impression on the interlocutor, use psychological techniques:

Be interested. Don't yawn and don't be smart. Show that you sympathize with the person, show interest in his activities.
Evoke positive emotions. Don't hide your smile. Scientists have proven that smiling people are more successful.
Call a friend by name. A personal appeal is a verbal compliment, by which you show that the information is intended specifically for the interlocutor.
Be careful. An important quality is the ability not only to hear, but also to listen.
Show respect for your opponent, ask leading questions, be surprised by the facts you hear and show more emotions.
Find a common theme. Try to win favor with yourself, do not be shy and withdraw into yourself.
Build friendships with neighbors and business partners.
Be sincere. Crouching and flattering is not the best move. Acted delight will only repel the interlocutor. Praise those qualities that you really admire in a person.

Advice! If you find it difficult to communicate with strangers, practice on the phone.

Lack of eye contact will relieve embarrassment. Call the hairdresser or beauty salon.

Prepare in advance for the conversation, make a list of questions if you get confused in the process of communication.

Development of communication skills

The psychology of communication is an art. Even an introvert, closed in himself, can become the soul of the company. You just need to know a few "tricks" of building relationships.

Skills	Development
Observation	Pay attention to the details, follow the non-verbal behavior of the interlocutor to pick up a communication style in which you will come to an understanding
memorization	Remember what your friend is talking about. Pay attention to the personal details of his life, hobbies, to casually mention in a conversation
Erudition	Comprehensive development expands the range of common themes. An erudite person will support any conversation
Understanding	Be empathetic. A person's behavior shows his mood. By facial expressions, exciting emotions can be considered. Support and understanding is the key to starting a friendship
Trainedness	Communicate every day. Scientists have proven that regular communication increases efficiency and productivity. The more you socialize, the easier it is to find a common language with people

Important! Be natural, don't turn the art of communication into acting.

Non-verbal psychology

No matter how interesting the information is, the owner must correctly present its essence. Who will listen to the booming whispers of an uncertain speaker? Behavior and the ability to behave in society - that's what will make others listen to you!

"Language" of the eyes. Get rid of uncertainty, boldly look into the eyes of the interlocutor and show that you are interested in maintaining friendly relations.
A running glance is a sign of disrespect, showing that you are bored.
Mimic. Every emotion is reflected on the face. You can even flirt with only the corner of your mouth.
Don't talk about sad things with a smile or positive things with pursed lips. Combine the inner state with the outer.
Gesticulation. non-verbal behavior whole science. Keep your hands at the level of your stomach or hips, crossed palms - this is stiffness and distrust of others.
An open posture subconsciously disposes the interlocutor. Learn to be fluent in non-verbal communication techniques.

Advice! Practice daily in front of a mirror. Read poetry, give a speech, or pretend to be a teacher.

Such training will help you overcome isolation and feel calm when talking with people.

Exercises for free and easy communication with strangers

Contact a psychologist for help if your close circle of friends is not replenished. But there is a way to help overcome shyness at home.

A little training is the beginning of work on yourself:

Monologue aloud. Sit comfortably, grab your favorite child's toy or book. Turn on your imagination and imagine that the object in your hands is your listener.
This workout is not as easy as it seems. Talk about yourself, about your activities, speak beautifully, in coherent sentences.
This exercise will help structure the train of thought in your head and correctly express them out loud.
Dialogue with a stranger. Talk on the street. Ask a passer-by how to get to the library, check with the seller about the quality of the goods, ask for advice.
Meet someone at a cafe or cinema. Such training will relieve the fear of taking the first step.
Remember the details. After a dialogue with a stranger, remember what he was wearing, what color his eyes, hair, what the interlocutor said.
Develop long-term memory, reproduce in memory the person's face, style and voice. Exercise trains mindfulness.
Praise. Give compliments, every person has virtues. Find them and admire out loud. But be sincere, do not forget that falsehood is easy to recognize.

Advice! Follow the speech. Speak clearly and clearly, without hesitating or stuttering.

Top books and literature

Interested? Learn more from the book. Researchers of human behavior have published many works on psychology.

Check out the best literature which will help you to perfect your communication skills:

Eric Byrne, Games People Play.
Dale Carnegie How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Larry King How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere.
Sigmund Freud "Psychology of the Masses and the Analysis of the Human Self".
Karen Pryor Don't Grow at the Dog.

Useful video

What is effective communication?

Communication is more than just the exchange of information. It is about understanding what emotional message and meaning lies in this information. Effective communication is also a two-way interaction. It is not only how you convey the message in such a way that it is received and understood with the meaning that you put into it, but also how you listen in order to fully understand the meaning of what was said and make the other person feel heard and understood is important. .

Effective communication combines more than just the words used in a conversation - it is a whole set of skills, including non-verbal communication, the ability to listen carefully, control oneself, communicate with self-confidence and the ability to recognize and understand the emotions of oneself and that person, with who you are communicating with.

Effective communication is the glue that will help you deepen your connections with others and improve teamwork, collaborative decision making and problem solving. It even allows you to send negative or nasty messages without creating conflict or destroying trust.

Although effective ways of communicating with people can be learned, nevertheless, it is more effective to acquire them spontaneously from life experience, and not in the process of acting according to patterns. A speech that is read from the sight, for example, rarely has the same effect as a speech given spontaneously, or at least appears to be so. Of course, it takes time and effort to develop these skills and become an effective communicator. The more effort and practice you put in, the more instinctive and effortless your communication skills will become.

It is easiest for me to communicate with ten thousand people. The hardest thing is with one.
Joan Baez

What you can do to learn how to conduct a conversation with a person correctly:

Take your time - find time for personal communication.
Accept that it's okay to disagree with something.
Make sure you don't hold your breath.
Listen before you say something, even if you don't agree with what you hear.
Take time out when you are already too stressed.

Barriers to Effective Interpersonal Communication

Stress and uncontrollable emotion

When you are nervous or unable to cope with your emotions, you are likely to misperceive other people, send unintelligible or frightening non-verbal signals, and begin to act like an unbalanced, mentally ill person. Take a moment to calm down before continuing the conversation.

Lack of attention

You cannot communicate effectively when you are multitasking. If you're daydreaming, checking text messages, or thinking about something else as you plan your next line, you'll almost certainly miss non-verbal cues when you're talking. You should always take into account your life experience.

Illogical gestures and facial expressions

Non-verbal communication should reinforce verbal communication without contradicting it. If you say one thing but your body language says something else, your listener is likely to feel that you are being hypocritical. For example, you cannot say "yes" while shaking your head in denial.

Negative facial expressions

If you disagree with what is being said, or you don't like it, you can use negative facial expressions and gestures to express disagreement with the other person's message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You do not have to agree or even approve of what is said, but communicate effectively without forcing the other person to take a defensive position; it is very important to avoid sending negative signals.

In communication all our days pass, but the art of communication is the lot of the few...
Mikhail Vasilievich Lomonosov

4 Key Skills That Improve Communication

Become an engaged listener.
Pay attention to nonverbal cues.
Control yourself.
Be confident.

Skill 1: Become an Engaged Listener

People often focus on what they have to say, but effective communication is about talking less and listening more. Listening well means understanding not only the words or information heard, but also the emotions that the speaker is trying to express.

There is a big difference between listening carefully and just hearing information. When you really listen, when you really understand what is being said, you will recognize subtle intonations in the speaker's voice that will tell you about how this person feels and what emotions he is trying to convey when communicating. When you are an engaged listener, you will not only understand the other person better, you will make them feel heard and understood, and this can be the foundation for building a closer and more secure relationship between you.

By communicating in this way, you will also learn to calm down and maintain physical well-being and emotional balance. If the person you are talking to is calm, as shown by, for example, listening carefully to your story, you too can become more balanced. Similarly, if a person is anxious, you can help calm them down by listening carefully and making them feel understood.

If your goal is to fully understand the other person and their contact, you will naturally listen carefully. If not, try the following tips. The more you practice them, the more satisfying and productive your interactions with others will become.

How do you become an engaged listener?

Concentrate all your attention on the speaker, his or her body language, tone of voice, and other non-verbal cues coming from that person. Tone of voice conveys emotion, so if you're thinking about something, checking text messages, or scribbling on a piece of paper, you'll almost certainly miss the non-verbal cues and the emotional content of the spoken words. And if the person who is speaking behaves in the same abstract way, you will quickly be able to notice it. If you find it difficult to focus on some speakers, try repeating their words in your mind - this will reinforce their message for you and help you stay focused.

Listen with your right ear. The left side of the brain contains the primary processing centers for speech and emotion recognition. Since the left hemisphere of the brain is responsible for the right side of the body, focusing on the right ear can help you better diagnose the emotional content of what the speaker said. Try to keep your posture straight, slightly lower your chin down, and turn your right ear towards the speaker - this will help to catch the high frequencies of human speech, which carry the emotional component of what was said.

Don't interrupt the speaker and don't try to turn the conversation on to your problems by saying something like, "If you think this is bad, listen to what happened to me." Listening does not mean waiting for your turn to speak again. If you form in your head what you are going to say next, you cannot concentrate on what the other person is saying. Often, the speaker can read your facial expressions and understand that you are thinking about something else.

Show interest in what has been said. Periodically nod in approval, smile at the person you are talking to, and make sure your body position is open and conducive to communication. Approvingly encourage the speaker to continue the conversation with small verbal comments like "yes" or "uh-huh."

Any conversation becomes interesting if the listener is caught carried away ...

Try not to be judgmental. In order to communicate effectively with someone, you do not have to sympathize with the interlocutor or agree with their ideas, values or opinions. However, to fully understand a person, you must avoid judging them and refrain from reproaching and criticizing them. If you lead even the most difficult discussion correctly, you can establish contact with someone with whom it seemed very difficult and unlikely to find mutual understanding.

Let's get feedback. If the thread of the conversation is interrupted, reproduce what was said in other words. "What I'm hearing is this," or "Looks like you're talking," are great ways to get the conversation back on track. Do not repeat verbatim what the speaker said, it will sound feigned and unintelligent. Instead, express, as you understand, the meaning of the words you heard. Ask questions to clarify certain points: "What do you mean when you say..." or "Is that what you mean?"

Recognize the emotional content of words by training the muscles of the middle ear

By increasing muscle tone in the tiny muscles of the middle ear (the smallest in the human body), you will be able to recognize the higher frequencies of human speech that convey emotions and better understand the true meaning of what people are saying. Developing these tiny muscles isn't just about paying full attention to what someone else is saying; they can be trained by singing, playing wind instruments, and listening to certain types of music (high-frequency Mozart violin concertos and symphonies, for example, instead of low-frequency rock or rap).

Habit 2: Pay attention to non-verbal cues

When we talk about what we care about, we mostly use non-verbal cues. Non-verbal communication, or body language, includes facial expressions, body movement and gestures, eye contact, body posture, tone of voice, and even muscle tension and breathing. Your look, the way you listen, move and react to another person tell other people about your condition more than the words you said.

Developing the ability to understand and use non-verbal communication can help you communicate with others, express yourself clearly, handle difficult situations, and build better relationships at work and at home.

You can make communication even more effective with open language body movements: do not cross your arms, stand with an open body position or sit on the edge of your seat, maintain eye contact with your interlocutor.
You can also use body language to emphasize or reinforce your verbal message - pat a friend on the back to congratulate them on their success, for example, or tap their fists to emphasize your message.

Tips to help you better interpret non-verbal communication

Keep in mind that everyone has their own individual characteristics. People from different countries and cultures tend to use a variety of non-verbal communicative gestures, so when analyzing body language, it is very important to take into account age, cultural background, religion, gender and emotional condition person. An American teenager, a grieving widow, and an Asian businessman, for example, may use nonverbal cues in different ways.

Analyze non-verbal signals comprehensively. Don't look for too much meaning in one gesture or non-verbal signal. Consider all non-verbal cues you receive, from eye contact to tone of voice and body movement. Any person can sometimes make a mistake and look away, for example, eyes and let the eyes of the sliding contact, for example, or cross their arms briefly, without implying anything negative. To better understand the true thoughts of a person, analyze his non-verbal signals in a complex way.

Use those non-verbal cues that reflect the essence of your words. Non-verbal communication should reinforce verbal communication without contradicting it. If you say one thing but your body language says something else, your listener is likely to feel that you are being hypocritical. For example, you cannot say "yes" while shaking your head in denial.

Tailor your non-verbal cues to suit the context of the conversation and the setting. Your tone of voice, for example, should be different when addressing a child and when addressing a group of adults. Also, take into account the emotional state and cultural background of the person you are communicating with.

Use body language to express positive emotions, even if you don't really feel them. If you're feeling nervous about a situation—a job interview, an important presentation, or a first date, for example—you can show confidence in yourself, even if you don't actually feel it, by using positive body language. Instead of hesitantly walking into a room with your head down, looking away and squeezing into a chair, try to straighten your shoulders and stand with your head held high, smiling and making eye contact, and give the other person a firm handshake. This will make you more confident and help to relax the other person.

Skill 3: Control yourself

For effective communication You need to be aware of your emotions and control them. And that means learning to deal with stress. When you are nervous or unable to cope with your emotions, you are likely to misperceive other people, send unintelligible or frightening non-verbal signals, and begin to act like an unbalanced, mentally ill person.

How many times have you experienced disagreements with your spouse, children, boss, friends, or co-workers and then said or done something that you later regretted? If you can quickly de-stress and calm down, not only will you not have to regret later, but in many cases you will help the other person cool down as well. Only when you are in a calm, relaxed state will you be able to understand whether you need to respond in this situation or whether it is better to remain silent, as signaled by the behavior of another person.

In situations such as an interview, a business presentation, a tense meeting, or meeting a loved one with, for example, it is very important to manage your emotions, think on the go and communicate effectively in stressful situation. These tips may help:

Stay balanced in a stressful situation

Use the time-buying tactic to give yourself an extra minute to think. Before answering, ask the question again or ask for clarification of a statement that causes you a misunderstanding.
Pause to collect your thoughts. To remain silent is not bad; pausing faster than the urge to respond can force you to pull yourself together.

Express one judgment and give an example or tell information supporting your statement. If your response speech is too long or if you babble about everything at once, you risk losing the listener's interest. Focus on one sentence with an example, look at the listener's reaction and evaluate whether it is worth talking about something else.

Speak clearly and clearly. In many cases, how you say it can be just as important as what you say. Speak clearly, maintain the same tone of voice, and make eye contact. Let your body language speak of relaxation and openness.

At the end of your statement, make a short summary and stop. Summarize main point your presentation and stop talking, even if the room is silent. Don't keep talking to fill the silence.

When a discussion gets heated in the middle of a conversation, you need to do something quickly and immediately to reduce the emotional intensity. Learning how to quickly reduce stress in this moment, even if you know how to cope with any strong emotions that you experience, control your feelings and behave sensibly. If you know how to keep your mind balanced and on, even when something unbalanced happens, you will be able to stay emotionally ready and not get confused.

Quick Ways to Relieve Stress to Continue Effective Communication

To manage stress during communication, do the following:

Notice when you get nervous.
If you feel nervous while communicating, your body will let you know. Are your muscles or stomach tight and/or sore? Are your hands clasped? Are your breathing shallow? Do you "forget" to breathe? Take a moment to calm down before continuing the conversation or putting it off.
Seek "help" from your mind and quickly pull yourself together by taking a few deep breaths, squeezing and relaxing your muscles, or, for example, remembering a calming, positively emotional picture.
The best way to quickly and reliably level stress is to listen to your senses: sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell. But each person reacts differently to the sensations of the senses, so you need to find something that will work soothingly for you.
Look for humor in the current situation.
With the right approach, humor can be a great way to relieve tension during communication. When you or others start to take things too seriously, find a way to cheer everyone up by telling a joke or a funny story.
Be willing to compromise.
Sometimes, if both you and your interlocutor are able to give in a little, you can find a middle ground that will suit and reassure all interested parties. If you realize that the subject matter is much more important to the other person than it is to you, it may be easier for you to compromise while laying a solid foundation for future relationships.
If necessary, stay with your opinions.
Before returning to the situation, take a break so everyone can calm down. Take a short break and move away from the current situation. Take a walk outside if possible, or meditate for a few minutes. Physical movement or rest in a quiet place to restore inner balance will help to quickly relieve stress and calm down.

Skill 4: Be confident

Openness and self-confidence help build clear rapport, as well as increase self-esteem and make it easier for you to make decisions. Being confident means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly and honestly while being able to stand up for yourself and respect others. It does NOT mean being hostile, aggressive, or finicky. Effective communication is understanding the other person, not winning an argument or pushing your opinion on others.

To increase self-confidence:

Appreciate yourself and your abilities. They are just as important as someone else's.
Know your needs and desires. Learn to express them without violating the rights of others.
Express negative thoughts in a positive way. It's okay to be angry, but it's important to show respect for others.
Take your comments positively. Accept compliments favorably, learn from your mistakes, ask for help when you need it.
Learn to say no. Know the limits of your patience and don't let others take advantage of you. Look for a way out of the situation so that everyone is happy as a result.

It is much better not to believe in a person, but to be confident in him.
Stanislav Jerzy Lec

Developing Positive Communication Skills

An empathic statement expresses empathy for another person. First understand the situation or feelings of the other person, and then confidently express your needs or opinion. "I know you've been very busy at work, but I want you to make time for us too."

The growing self-confidence can be used when your first attempts were not successful. Over time, you become more determined and persistent: your statement may indicate specific consequences if your needs are not taken into account. For example, "If you do not comply with the contract, I will be forced to go to court."

Start practicing assertiveness in less risky situations that will help build your confidence. Or ask friends or family members if they will let you practice assertiveness techniques on them first.

Many people are afraid of interacting with people. Some people easily speak to a huge audience, easily make acquaintances and easily support any conversation, filling it with jokes. For some, maintaining a normal everyday conversation is a whole problem. Why is this happening? How to learn to communicate with people? Is it possible to learn to communicate easily and not feel fear, or is it a gift that is not available to everyone?

We need communication skills every day. Many people think that this skill is only necessary for businessmen to successfully negotiate. But it's not. Psychologists have proven that communication with people is one of the basic human needs that nothing else can replace. Any relationship between people, be it friendship, marital relations, is impossible without communication. This is a basic human need, on which the feeling of security depends, the feeling that we are loved and needed by someone, the feeling that we deserve respect.

Lack of ability to communicate often leads to divorce, because partners simply have not learned how to negotiate. Many suffer from loneliness only because they are afraid to approach and make a new acquaintance. Communication, relationships and psychology are inextricably linked and greatly affect the quality of human life.

The ability to communicate is necessary for every person, it is the key to success in many areas of life. You must understand that speaking and communicating are not the same thing. The concept of communication in psychology is a rather complex process that includes both verbal and non-verbal communication. An important role is played not only by the meaning of your words, but also by the timbre of your voice, intonation, postures and gestures. And the most important thing is the thoughts and feelings that are in your subconscious.

Interlocutors always feel what feelings and emotions you actually experience when you communicate. The psychology of interpersonal communication studies the problem, what are people really afraid of when communicating, what feelings do they experience? It can be fear of rejection or rejection, anger at offenders, fear of saying something inappropriately, of being misunderstood and not accepted, fear of expressing one's opinion, low self-esteem and problems with diction.

Fear of communicating with people usually begins in childhood. And as adults, many still cannot survive some of the psychological trauma inflicted by parents or peers. “Don’t talk nonsense” is the catchphrase of many parents, which sows self-doubt in a child for almost a lifetime. Anguished whiteboard performances or peer ridicule often influence. Of course, these may not be such deep problems. For example, a person may experience communication difficulties if they are unable to make contacts, are too modest, shy, have low self-esteem or complexes about appearance, are afraid of displeasing other people, or, by nature, are unable to listen and understand other people.

If you are aware of your problem and often say to yourself: “I can’t communicate,” then it’s time to talk to a psychologist who will help you find the cause of your communication disorder and give practical recommendations on how to eliminate them. You can also help yourself.

Now there are a lot of worthy books on the psychology of communication that are worth reading:

"The power of charm. How to Win Hearts and Succeed (Brian Tracy, Ron Arden)
The Psychology of Influence (Robert Cialdini)
"Hidden control of a person" (Viktor Sheinov)
The Mentalist (Frederic Rapily)
"Grand Master of Communication" (Sergey Deryabo)
"Don't growl at the dog" (Karen Pryor)
"Psychology of the Masses and the Analysis of the Human Self" (Sigmund Freud)
"How to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere" (Larry King)
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" (Dale Carnegie)
"Games People Play" (Eric Byrne)

How to learn to communicate with people: the rules of communication

The best way to formulate the rules of communication is Dale Carnegie in his books. Here is some of them:

Communication secrets include non-verbal communication techniques. To fully learn to communicate, you need to learn body language. It is unlikely that anyone will carefully listen to the speaker, who will stand in front of the audience hunched over and mumbling something under his breath. People always pay attention to the posture, the timbre of the voice and the speed of speech. Also, special attention is drawn to the eyes of a person. We often notice that he looks confidently, askance, slyly or "eyes are burning." There are psychological trainings that teach you to look at the interlocutor correctly - directly, openly, with interest, without oppressing or belittling him.

As for facial expressions, you can use it to find out the mood of a person or send certain signals yourself.

By the gestures and posture of a person, you can easily determine whether he is closed or open during communication. If the hands are crossed, hidden in pockets or clenched into fists, then this indicates that the person wants to isolate himself from you, stop communicating. Open postures, turned palms indicate that a person wants to communicate. Openness techniques can also be learned in psychological training.

Unusual but effective communication techniques

To overcome the fear of communication, you can first try to communicate on the phone. Write down on a piece of paper all the questions you want to know and call, for example, a beauty salon. Find out what procedures are available, their cost, recommendations. This will be a great first step towards overcoming fear.

You can try at least 10 minutes a day to talk with a chair or flowerpot. It's very difficult, in fact. First, tell how you are doing, then make a conversation plan and stick to it. This is a very effective technique for overcoming fear in dealing with people.

Try to start a casual conversation with 10 strangers every day. For example, with a salesperson, a pharmacist, a neighbor, etc. Try each of them to say some kind of compliment. This will make you very liberated.

The psychology of communication helps a person get rid of the fear of communicating with people. First of all, the psychologist helps to realize that there really is a problem, helps to identify the cause of the problem and work on these problems.

A person who is aware of his fear of communicating with people should work hard to overcome these problems. Apart from psychological trainings It is important to read a lot, learn more new information. The goal is not so much to become an interesting conversationalist as to become an interesting person.

If a person notices that they do not want to communicate with him, then he is not interesting. Lacks energy, drive, hobbies and hobbies. But we can fix it all.

Separately, there is the problem of communication with the opposite sex. How many single women and men who dream of meeting their soul mate. Again, fear prevents you from talking to a pretty girl or guy.

You should know that when communicating with the opposite sex, as soon as there is a moment when you have nothing else to talk about, the person loses interest in you. Therefore, you need to find out about the hobbies and hobbies of a guy or girl, try to figure it out so that you can easily keep up the conversation.

Often, guys and girls perceive the opposite sex as an alien creature, therefore, in order to establish contact, a girl will have to learn something about football and beers, and a guy about cosmetics and fashion.

With the opposite sex, try to behave naturally and positively, do not forget to smile, compliment, and show sincere interest.

Do not be afraid to admit if you are incompetent in some matter. Ask your partner a question, he will be pleased that you are interested in learning more about his hobbies. In general, when communicating with guys, it is important to focus on them, and not on yourself. And do not tell too much about yourself, a couple of facts from life and no more. Do not allow vulgarity and intimate details in the conversation at the first meetings. Avoid women's gossip and behind-the-scenes discussions.

When communicating with a girl, smile sincerely, say unobtrusive compliments and ask questions so that she can answer them in a detailed form.

In general, in order not to experience fear in communication, and in principle not to have any problems with it, you first need to become interesting to yourself and make your life bright and exciting. Everything you do, do it for yourself. You are responsible only for your life, your happiness. As soon as your life is filled with colors, people themselves will seek to meet you and have a desire to talk with you.

All in your hands!

People skills are very great importance. Many areas in your life can depend on how you talk or correspond with your interlocutors. By becoming a pleasant and tactful interlocutor, and having mastered some rules of etiquette, you will be able to win over many people, which can bring you positive results in the future.

What role does the ability to communicate in society play?

Ability to make contact important quality, and no one possesses it from birth. This skill needs to be developed, and if it has not been laid down for you since childhood, this does not mean at all that you cannot acquire it now. People who have learned how to communicate correctly in society are undoubtedly more successful not only in their careers, but also in their personal lives. Often, in our manner of speaking, the interlocutors add up the first impression of us, and we can ensure that it is only positive.

The subtleties of communication

Note that communication can include both verbal and non-verbal elements. That is, when entering into a dialogue with other people, you do not just pronounce a set of phrases, and the attention of the interlocutors is not only focused on them. In addition to the correctness of speech, it is important to monitor the shades of intonation, facial expressions, gestures, and gaze.

Surely, you had to watch how a person seems to say reasonable things, but something repels him. It can be just a running glance, sharp hand movements or a “frozen” pose, monotonous-sounding phrases, and the like. All these factors have at least importance than the content of your phrases.

How to stop being afraid of public speaking

As you know, some people are afraid to speak in front of the public, and this fear can remain throughout life. However, many feel psychological stress not only when speaking to a large audience, but also simply, if necessary, in contact with a stranger. It can reach discomfort even when communicating with the seller, cashier, etc.

Fear of talking to strangers

First of all, it is worth determining where this fear came from. There may be several reasons.

shyness

Usually this trait comes from deep childhood, and depends on the temperament of the child. Some children behave openly, and sometimes intrusively, while others are embarrassed to start a dialogue with adults or peers. If parents do not instill communication skills, and let everything take its course, then in the end this trait flows into adulthood.

Low self-esteem

You are so insecure that you think that if you start a conversation with a stranger, you will look stupid. Perhaps it seems to you that there is nothing to talk about with you, you are unhappy with your voice, unsure of your ability to clearly express your thoughts, and so on. Low self-esteem can be hidden in many small things, leading to general self-doubt.

Complexes regarding appearance

This subparagraph can be related to the previous one, but the difference is that it is only about appearance. Perhaps it seems to you that if you speak, then others will pay attention to some flaw in your appearance that would hide from them if you did not attract attention to yourself.

Ways to deal with fear

Recognition of the problem

Having realized what your problem is, which entailed a fear of communication, it is important to try to solve it. If the reason lies in some defects in appearance, then find a way to fix them. It is also important to understand that your complex can be contrived. Surely among famous people there are those who have a similar "flaw" - look at how they behave in public and how many fans they have!

If it's not about appearance or not only about it, but low self-esteem in general, then you probably need to raise it. You can make an appointment with a psychologist, but if you are afraid of communicating with strangers, then this step will probably cause you stress. That is why you should look on the Web for motivational videos with psychological consultations, which are absolutely free.

Appearance

A lot depends on how you look when communicating with people. You probably noticed that if you are unsure of your appearance, then communication is even more difficult for you - you just don’t want to focus on yourself. Such moments must be avoided. We are talking about the elementary - clothes, accessories, shoes. Choose your wardrobe carefully so that you have no doubts about it. Do not forget not only about stylish and comfortable things, but also about skin care, teeth, hair and nails. If you carefully take care of all of the above, then you will gain confidence in yourself.

Communication

If you want to overcome your fear, then you need to face the problem face to face. Only by starting to contact other people, you will learn to cope with your psychological barriers. Start small with phone calls. Sharpen your communication skills with loved ones. It is unlikely that you are afraid of talking with relatives or friends - communicate with them more often. As an experiment, to clarify a question, call an old acquaintance who fell out of your field of vision for some period. Subsequently, you can call one of the gyms in the city, for example, by asking the administrator what the cost of a subscription is at their institution and until what time the gym is open. With clarifying questions, you can also call a beauty salon or a yoga studio. It is not necessary to use these services afterwards - you just consult, as many other people do.

Having mastered a little with telephone conversations, try to start a dialogue “live”. If you are afraid of looking stupid when talking to strangers, then choose a way of communication where you will mainly have to listen. You can go to the nearest post office and ask how it is better to send a parcel to another country (for example, to Canada in the city of Toronto), and how long it will take to go there. Improvise, and gradually you will forget about your fears.

I don’t know what to talk to people about, how to start a dialogue first

It is important to understand that if you start the conversation first, then nothing terrible or unnatural will happen. Unless if another person starts a conversation with you, will you think something bad about him? Probably not. In the same way, other people will not see anything incredible if you contact them, so do not invent problems from scratch.

1. Ask questions

The easiest way to start a dialogue is with a question that will be relevant to the situation. If you are at a certain party, you can ask something about the menu - pay attention to what the potential interlocutor drinks or eats, and ask if he is happy with the choice and whether you should order a similar dish or drink for yourself. Of course, you should not be intrusive at the same time, if a person is relaxed and clearly ready for communication, and not concentrated on absorbing his food, then only then it makes sense to ask such questions.

You can also be interested in more neutral topics - how to get to a particular area where there is a good hardware store or bookshop in the city, and so on.

2. Be interesting

In order to avoid questions about possible topics for conversations, it is necessary to expand your horizons, to constantly be in the stage of intellectual or physical development. If you have nothing to talk about with others, then most likely you are not interested in much other than your main occupation. Many careerists are fixated only on their work, housewives - on domestic issues, and students - on their studies. It is unlikely that only these topics are able to win over the interlocutor and make him become interested in your personality.

Start with reading - world classics or philosophical literature. Subsequently, you can give examples from the books you read or recommend certain works to the interlocutor, giving them your assessment. You may say that you have absolutely no time to read. It is for such people that audiobooks have long been invented that can be listened to in traffic jams, while preparing dinner, cleaning the apartment, and so on.

To develop your personality, it is useful to attend various master classes. In childhood, many of us liked to go to some kind of "circles" - dancing, drawing, beading and the like. Currently, all this and more is offered for adults. In almost every city, with the exception of very small provinces, you can find a lot of master classes - you can sign up for a lesson in painting, belly dancing, yoga, cooking classes, dancing and much more!

3. Let others be interesting

Do not assume that when communicating with you, the interlocutor is only engaged in evaluating your conversational skills, tone, gestures, and meaningfulness of stories. Most people want to make a good impression about themselves as much as you do, and you can win over a person if you help him open up in an interesting way. He will remember this feeling of self-satisfaction, and subconsciously notes that it arose during a conversation with you, so he will be pleased to remember this communication, and he will strive for it again.

If you know that the interlocutor has recently visited another country or city, ask about the features of this place. If he plays sports, note his excellent physical shape, let him know that you would also like to do something similar and ask for advice on where to start. Many people can get lost with some questions, and if you notice that one of them took a person by surprise, do not focus on this topic unless the counterpart himself returns to it. Immediately unobtrusively move the conversation in a different direction - but do not move on to the next question, but tell something yourself, in the meantime allowing the interlocutor to gather his thoughts.

How easy it is to meet people and make friends

Often people avoid making acquaintances on their own, for fear of looking strange. If you want to avoid this, take note of some recommendations.

Don't be intrusive. Turning to a person, try to correctly track his reaction. If he obviously tries to answer in monosyllables, looks away, does not ask counter questions and switches to other things, such as examining the surrounding interior or setting up his phone, then he is clearly not inclined to dialogue. It may not even be about you - just now this person does not want to communicate or is not in the mood to make new acquaintances. You are probably familiar with these feelings.

Be natural. Allow yourself at least for one day to forget about all your fears or complexes. Conduct a kind of experiment - start a conversation with another person, without thinking about what impression you make. Just enjoy the conversation.

Stay confident in itself. If you have not yet been able to gain confidence in yourself, no one should guess about it. Starting a conversation with fawning or uncertain intonations is unlikely to achieve a positive effect. Speak confidently and calmly, do not doubt your words and do not think that you can look stupid and ridiculous. What does a confident person look like? When talking, he does not look at the floor or to the side, but into the eyes of the interlocutor. Although, from time to time it is still worth relaxing to look away to the side - a steady look into the eyes may seem unnatural. Don't constantly adjust your clothes or hair, don't "wring" your hands, and don't study your reflection (even briefly) on mirrored surfaces.

Speech and diction. This is also an important point. Learn to speak not too loudly, but also not quietly. You should be well heard, but nothing more. If you are periodically asked to speak quieter or louder, pay attention to this moment - it can significantly annoy the interlocutors. You can also record your speech on a voice recorder, and while listening to it, pay attention to errors. Avoid slowness and stretching of words, as well as excessive haste. Follow the golden mean. Now you can find a lot of trainings in which professionals will help you with the correct diction. You can simply sign up for a private consultation with a speech therapist, even if it seems to you that you have no problems with pronunciation, placement of stresses and the like - this meeting, in any case, will benefit you.

Be positive. Many people try to avoid those who often "radiate" negativity. Think about whether you are among such pessimists? Even if you are used to negative thinking, try not to show this trait to others. Compliment people, praise them, joke, laugh at other people's jokes.

However, feigned gaiety should also be avoided - such insincerity is often noticeable and looks ridiculous. Try not to talk badly about other people, or at least not focus on your negative emotions - this can turn you off.

Show interest. As you know, most people are very concerned about their personality - how they look, what impression they make, and so on. If you show interest in the personality of the interlocutor, then this will be a sure way to start friendships. Pay attention to any slightest achievements of a potential friend, be interested in his opinion on a particular topic, make compliments. Of course, it is important not to overdo it so that your interest does not look like flattery.

If you began to notice that other people are not too keen to maintain a dialogue with you and even avoid communication, then perhaps some reasons contributed to this. Let's consider some of them:

1- Subjective assessment

Of course, we all have our own subjective point of view on almost everything. However, if you are a tactful interlocutor, you will not try to impose your opinion on another person, especially if you see that he does not agree with him.

It is important to understand that someone else's point of view on certain events is no less valuable than yours. Yes, perhaps the interlocutor is really wrong, but if you want it to be pleasant to communicate with you, then do not try to prove your case at any cost. Gently present your arguments, without irony and irritation, ask what arguments your opponent has. Believe me, if a person is really wrong in some important issue, then soon he himself will understand this. If the issue is insignificant, then it is not worth paying attention to it.

2 - Detachment or talkativeness

These are two extremes that are best avoided. In the first case, when a person behaves aloof, immersed in himself, the interlocutor may decide that you are not interested in communicating with him. Of course, there are people who like to speak out incessantly, and at the same time do not notice the mood of others, but most still pay attention to someone else's reaction. Perhaps, due to a particular character or shyness, you try not to express your point of view, giving the interlocutor the right to conduct a dialogue, but gradually such communication can turn into a monologue, and it’s not a fact that the other participant in the conversation likes this state of affairs.

In the second case (with excessive talkativeness), it is also difficult to hone the correct communication skills. Many of us know such people who like to talk a lot, interrupt and not listen to others. At the same time, they may consider themselves interesting and sociable personalities, but in fact they cause varying degrees of irritation. If mostly tactful interlocutors come across on their way, then they may not even know about their problem. Analyze your conversations with other people - who talks more? In communication, it is important to maintain a balance - talking yourself, asking questions and listening to the answers of the other person.

3 - Stare

Are you sure you don't have that habit of staring at other people? Many people feel uncomfortable under such a “microscope”, and they try to wrap up the conversation as quickly as possible. It may seem to you that you are quietly examining someone's shoes, hair, or some part of the body, but, as a rule, this is very noticeable.

Also, the height of tactlessness is pointing out any shortcomings that a person already knows very well himself or, most likely, would like not to focus on them. Perhaps it’s not even worth mentioning that exclamations are unacceptable: “Oh, your pimple popped up!”, “Do you know that you have gray hair?”, “Are you getting better?”, “Your blouse is wrinkled,” and so on. such tactless remarks. They can only sound between very close people - a parent and son or daughter or husband and wife, and then if you are sure that this is appropriate.

4 - Questions

This subparagraph follows from the previous subparagraph - it will be about the ability to ask questions. Even if you and your interlocutor speak in approximately equal proportions, but at the same time you do not ask any questions to keep the conversation going, then such a conversation can soon become boring. It is important for people to feel an interest in their person. Be interested in the affairs of the interlocutor, his opinion on this or that account. It is important not to cross the line though. If you are not in a very close relationship, do not ask very personal questions - do not be faux pas. If a person is embarrassed about a question or topic of conversation, subtly move the conversation in a different direction, thereby showing yourself to be a flexible and tactful interlocutor.

Despite the fact that most of us like to show off our inner freedom and looseness, many people around the world still continue to suffer from excessive shyness, lack of communication and complexes. Of course, this hinders them not only in terms of their careers, but also in their personal lives.

With people? Think it's hard and you can't handle it? Wrong! Knowing a few is enough simple rules, then you can easily establish contact with any interlocutor.

So, the topic of our today's conversation is "Communicate with people without problems."

Rule one. The main thing

If you are determined to learn how to communicate with people, remember the most important rule: "People will treat you the way you treat them." Those. by and large - this is the principle of the mirror. Therefore, it is important not to forget that if relationships with this or that person are important to you, try to always speak kindly and slowly.

smile

Join the conversation

How to learn to communicate with people if it is unusual and inconvenient to even begin to express your own opinions? According to psychologists, if you are in an unfamiliar company, try not to engage in dialogue at all for a while, at least until you finally determine the topic of conversation. Just sit and listen. And do not worry, no one will regard your silence as a sign of unfriendliness. Quite the contrary, in companies they love and value the listeners very much. You know, there are always many more people who want to talk and express their point of view than those who are ready to listen to the end, only from time to time asking clarifying questions.

Facial expressions and gestures

Surprised? Yes Yes! Your gestures and facial expressions are as important as anything else. If you try to hide it, the person may think that your behavior is somehow unnatural, that you are hiding something and are most likely deceiving. Although remember that excessive gesticulation is a sign of nervousness. And this, you see, few people like it. Reveal a secret to you? If you really want to know how to learn how to communicate with people, remember: slow, narrow and gentle gestures, and especially open palms, is one way to please others. In addition, psychologists advise using the so-called “mirroring” method, which consists in trying to copy the pace of speech and gestures of your interlocutor. The better you do it, the more likely it is that they will see you as a close in spirit, almost a native person.

Sight

The eyes, of course, are another important item. And this is not at all surprising. After all, it is with the help of views that, according to scientists, we get up to 90% of all the necessary information.

In this article, I tried to tell as much as possible about how to learn to communicate with and give each other pleasure from this conversation. But believe me, the most important thing is not demeanor or speech at all. You yourself should act as an interesting interlocutor. If you want to gain popularity, communicate more and have a huge number of friends, try to captivate a person, keep up the conversation, let your eyes glow, do not leave your lips, and life is in full swing. And then, believe me, you will not have to look for communication, it will find you by itself.