The life of a modern person is closely connected with interpersonal communication. Men and women cross daily at work, in the store or sports club. But what to do when you are closed and do not know which side to approach, wanting to start a conversation? Only outcasts can live in an empty apartment without maintaining contact with anyone, so it is important to be able to find a common language with other people.

Ways to achieve effective communication

Eye contact
It is easy to win the trust of the interlocutor if you look him in the eyes during the conversation. Do not look away to the left and up, this sign indicates disinterest. If you look down and look to the right, the friend may think of a possible catch.

The ideal option is to look at the brow area of ​​the person you are in contact with. This technique is used by sales managers, wanting to "suck in" the goods. If at the same time the interlocutor looks at you, it will seem to him that you are looking into the eyes. It turns out a kind of optical illusion, use it.

Confidence is an undeniable trump card
Confident people can be seen from afar, they are characterized by a proud posture, a direct look and a high head. You want to communicate with such a person, he does not use a long prelude before starting a conversation, but immediately goes to the point. Be a confident interlocutor, so you will have an undeniable trump card up your sleeve!

Show your reliability and determination, attract others with these qualities. Such personalities leave an indelible impression in the soul of newly-made friends and do not suffer from a lack of attention.

"What's in a name…"
At the first meeting with a person, ask what his name is. It is important to remember that there is no sweeter song to the ears than the sound of one's own name. Address the listener in this way. If third parties have joined the conversation and you decide to tell a story that includes the name of an acquaintance, do not use the pronouns “he” or “she”.

Try to associate the companion's name with positive emotions. Share funny life stories, smile sincerely, tell jokes. Solar personalities illuminate all who are in contact with them. Radiate positivity and energy!

genuine interest
Agree, it’s not interesting to listen for hours on end as a guy or a girl talks about their life without showing interest in your direction. Such individuals are rightfully considered egoists, do not consider yourself one of them. Show interest, be interested in life and do not burden others with your own troubles. Have a dialogue, not a monologue.

Let the person join the conversation, and then the conversation will take its course. Eastern wisdom says: "Say once, the other two - listen!". Stick to the great gurus of philosophy so that you don't get stuck in a traffic jam for a long silence, which is formed when two selfish persons meet.

Who doesn't risk...
... loses positive emotions. Advice goes hand in hand with confidence. People experience fear, wanting to ask again or ask a question of interest. They mistakenly believe that they will be rejected or humiliated, but this is far from the case. A situation of this kind occurs due to the alleged failure of the listener, who considers himself unworthy of the interlocutor.

Do not be afraid of rejection, analyze what has been said, ask relevant questions, express an opinion and give advice! Do not let emotions take over self-esteem, maintain dignity in any circle of people, regardless of the situation.

"Mirror" effect
Gesticulation emphasizes the spoken words, facial expressions characterize them. The two points are inextricably linked. Do not try to remove your hands when talking, such a sign will look unnatural. Excessive waving is also undesirable, the interlocutor may mistake the action for nervousness.

Be calm, do not fold your arms over your chest, this technique means closeness. Stand straight, bend your hands with boats and join your hands. Also, you do not need to clench your fists, keep your palms open, only in such ways you can win over those around you to your own person.

The greatest minds in the United States have proven the effectiveness of communication using the "mirror" method. The method consists in repeating the movements of the interlocutor and copying the intonation of his voice. However, do not do this like a parrot, the movements should be soft, inconspicuous and as similar as possible. Psychologists say that the "mirror" brings people together and helps them open up.

Knowledge is power
Read books, watch interesting programs and topical films. Stay up to date, it's nice to communicate with a comprehensively developed person who knows how to keep the conversation going. Such personalities win universal recognition and are erected on a pedestal of respect.

Try to join the company in the first hour of communication, create topics for discussion, draw others into the conversation. Do not hide your knowledge, but do not be too clever, so as not to alienate others.

Relevance of the questions asked
Avoid pauses in communication that will embarrass both sides of the conversation. When contact is just being established and people are not yet accustomed to each other's company, it is important to create the right atmosphere for further manipulations. The interlocutor said that he was going to the country at the weekend? Great, ask him how far it is and if fishing is welcome there. Do not answer memorized “I see”, this statement will mislead anyone.

Avoid questions that can only be answered in one word. Ask in such a way that the other side is forced to answer in detail. There is no need to throw a person with a number of questions, be interested measuredly and “in the subject”. If we are talking about construction, the automotive section will be out of place.

Correct wording of ideas
Did you suddenly have an idea? Do not rush to share it, think carefully about what you are going to say. Express yourself in understandable phrases, do not jump from one place to another, adapt people to your thought. The people around are not psychics, they do not always understand what is at stake, although they nod their heads in response. As mentioned above, "coaxing" comes from being afraid to ask or not wanting to listen.

Keep the story interesting, not monotonous, so that you want to know the continuation. It is important to realize that everyone has their own idea of ​​what is told. You imagined white sand and a blue ocean, and the interlocutor saw only shells and algae on the shore. Formulate your own thoughts, intriguing and fueling the interest of the public.

Openness is not a vice
Be honest and open, do not create misunderstandings due to inconsistencies. Share your personal life, but within reason. Choose “not closed” information for the narrative. When a man or woman cheats, the truth soon comes out and spoils friendly relations.

Now it is important to create that inextricable connection between opponents, because of which you will meet again for a cup of coffee. Open people quickly make friends, but they are also often betrayed. Look at the situation, if the interlocutor does not inspire confidence - do not share the secret.

Openness is associated with decency and honesty - two qualities of a business person. As a rule, girls are more relaxed, and with a bottle of good wine, their tongue is completely unleashed. Guys in this regard are more difficult, they do not share experiences with the first person they meet.

Personality is determined not only by opinion, strength of character and the desire for more, but also complexes, fear and shyness. What to do when the break in communication was so long that a barrier formed? Let's talk about everything in order.

Lack of common themes
Don't know what to talk about? There are a number of common topics that will pave the way for further conversation. Discuss the latest in the film industry, popular sports, world news, and finally the weather and nature. When communicating on the above topics, you do not need to have astronomical knowledge.

Intrigue and gossip
Are you relaxing in the company, and a girl pesters you with conversations, about whom those other rumors are circulating? Do not succumb to provocations, "hammer" the gossips and envious people. Cultivate a useful quality - to judge a person based on your own convictions, and not on long tongues chatting behind your back.

adrenaline rush
The interlocutor is talking utter nonsense? Do you start arguing and proving that you are right? Stop. You need to be able to cope with the storm that destroys further communication. Get out in the fresh air, catch your breath.

It does not matter what the true motives of behavior are - discord with her husband or the departure of a girlfriend. Don't take your anger out on others by embarrassing yourself. You will say nasty things to your interlocutor, for which you will later suffer remorse.

It is difficult for closed personalities to step over themselves and say a couple of phrases to maintain a conversation. However, communication skills are just as important as the ability to write and read. Experts have developed a number of recommendations with which you will get off the ground.

imaginary conversation
As ridiculous as it sounds, talk to the furniture. Tell the closet how you spent the day and what you ate for lunch. Sociologists talk about the effectiveness of the procedure, because it is much more difficult to communicate with inanimate objects than with people. Try to build sentences coherently and interestingly. If the idea seems absurd, get a pet and interact with it.

Sweet praise
Pay attention to the personal qualities of the interlocutors, praise their skills. Did you like your colleague's blouse? Feel free to tell. Did you make excellent coffee in the cafe? Do not skimp on a sincere compliment. Words must come from the heart so that people believe you.

Chatting with random people
Set a goal to talk to strangers every day. Are you going to the grocery store? Chat with the saleswoman about the freshness of the product. Can't find the right street? Ask your grandmother for directions at the bus stop. Greet the concierge and smile. The method is effective, despite its simplicity. He will eradicate the fear of starting a conversation first.

Interaction with others is an integral part of everyday life. Real communication skills come with practice. Delve into your opponent's stories, ask questions, and be sincere. Use exercises to improve communication skills, overcome all sorts of barriers and fight emotions. Address the interlocutor by name, join the team and become the soul of the company!

Video: how to learn to communicate with people

The world is arranged in such a way that some people talk too much, without stopping for a second, while others in society cannot squeeze out even a word. What is it connected with? The inability to express one's thoughts, maintain a conversation and conquer interlocutors with the filigree of a syllable depends primarily on complexes and self-doubt, and not on a lack of intelligence, as many believe. However, continue to close in on yourself, calming the soul with the dubious “I don’t like to communicate with people and I won’t!” not worth it by any means. Even erudite people who have a rich inner world, who have read more than one hundred books and are distinguished by remarkable intellect, may experience difficulties in communication.

The word is one of the most powerful weapons of man.

The ability to communicate and influence people with the power of words is considered the golden quality of modern man. Without correctly constructed phrases, you will not be able to conclude a contract, make a banal congratulation at a wedding, win the heart of a girl, not to mention the fact that many promising professions will not be available to you. In the beginning was the word, and it always will be.

"Every thought, expressed in words, is a force whose action is infinite." These are the words of Leo Tolstoy, once again proving that one must learn and be able to communicate with people. People who know how to masterfully handle the word are everyone's favorites, all doors are open for them, it is much easier for them to build a career and achieve their goal. Their secret is that they know how to communicate with people, they know where, when and what to say, where to remain silent, and where to argue. However, they do not have any extrasensory abilities and developed intuition. Everyone can master the art of communication - there would be a desire.

Secrets of a fruitful conversation

The basic principle of communication with people is based on the mirror rule: "As you treat others, so they treat you." Your rudeness will cause a backlash, inattention will be paid in kind, and harsh gestures, jerky speech and a habit of interrupting will make you one of the most unpleasant interlocutors.

So, how to communicate with people correctly? The most important components of the right conversation are:

• politeness;
• interest;
• interest;
• Attention;
• moderate gestures;
• leisurely and calm speech;
• sensitivity and responsiveness;
• listening skills.

As you can see, nothing supernatural! No need to memorize jokes and long tirades, no need to show tricks in order to be appreciated, just elementary politeness - and the interlocutor is favorable to you!

Consider 10 basic rules of communication, having mastered which, you will become one of the most pleasant interlocutors.

Smiling is another secret weapon in the arsenal of remedies that have a beneficial effect on people. After all, who would like to talk to a person whose face has a lifeless, detached expression? The same can be said about a person who constantly smiles - they can take him for an abnormal person. The main thing in a conversation is to strike a balance. It is polite to smile from time to time, but not to laugh inappropriately, especially at the moment when they tell you about their problems, but also not to laugh through force - the made laughter is noticeable from a mile away.

When communicating, try to look the interlocutor in the eye, continuing to maintain a polite interest on your face, even when the topic of conversation is not at all interesting to you. People do not like those who look at the floor or to the side - this indicates either the dishonesty of the interlocutor, or his bad upbringing. Follow these two rules, and soon the problem of how to communicate with people will be irrelevant for you.

Moderate gesticulation

In the psychology of communication, along with a smile, gestures are no less important. Try not to make sudden movements during a conversation and not fuss, giving the impression of a nervous person. And even more so, do not knock your cell phone on the table, do not drum your fingers, do not look at yourself in the mirror and do not paint your lips. The interlocutor, at best, will consider that you are bored, and at worst, they will form an opinion about you as an ill-mannered and impolite person.

All people, without exception, welcome slow, gentle gestures, open postures (no crossed arms) and palms. At the same time, observe the widespread method of “mirroring”: imperceptibly repeat the gestures of the interlocutor and position yourself in his pose. The method works flawlessly - a person on a subconscious level will feel some unity with you, and then sympathy.

I do not know how to communicate with people, or How to start a conversation

Have there been situations with you when you just needed to start a conversation, but you didn’t know how to start it, with what words and on what topic? In such cases, choose any universally secular topics, such as weather, news, work, people around, cars. If you are aware of the interlocutor's interests and hobbies, the best move is to ask him a question from this area, and then ask him to enlighten you. Communication will be provided to you!

If you are in an unfamiliar society, it is better not to enter into a conversation until you are imbued with a "common spirit" and understand what people are interested in. To do this, just listen carefully to each speaker. Your position as a listener, combined with well-directed clarifying remarks, will be appreciated, because everyone loves to talk, but only a few know how to listen.

Don't interrupt

This is perhaps the main principle of any conversation, on which the ability to communicate with people is built. Unnecessary remarks, translation of the conversation into one's own person, impatience, not the desire to listen, but the desire to speak out, while brazenly interrupting the speaker, will not be pleasant to anyone. Such behavior will soon disperse your social circle, for selfishness, dominance and lack of sensitivity in conversation characterize you as an extremely unpleasant interlocutor.

Listening is what everyone needs

Ask the Right Questions

However, silently listening to the interlocutor, having managed not to utter a word for his entire monologue, is also not the best option. Ask him questions from time to time, showing your interest and letting him know that you enjoy talking with him and listening to him. Try not to overdo it with questions, otherwise the conversation will smoothly flow into the framework of an interrogation. For those who find it difficult to communicate with people, you can begin to deal with complexes with this particular method. In this case, questions can be something like: “Yes? Really? What happened next? Yah! Is it true? What are you? What's next?" In this case, the conversation is not recommended:

• criticize the profession of the interlocutor;
• unceremoniously interested in his income;
• confuse his name;
• load it with your problems;
• show excessive familiarity (clap on the shoulder, shake, grab a button, etc.);

• enter into an argument;
• show his superiority in every way.
• to be arrogant and arrogant, according to the principle “I don’t communicate with anyone, but I condescended to you (la), so be happy”;
• Don't admit you're wrong, even though it's obvious.

Try to communicate with everyone in a friendly, polite manner, avoiding slang and familiarity. Do not complain to everyone in a row about your unfortunate fate, low-paid job, despotic boss, traitor friends. They will listen to you once, a second time, but on the third they will begin to avoid, since you have bad habit sow negativity. If you are open, optimistic and responsive in communication, the doors to any society will open before you.

Control negative emotions

How to learn to communicate with people and make long-term acquaintances? To do this, first of all, you should work on yourself, on those qualities of character that prevent you from winning over people.

The ability to communicate with people is a special kind of art that also needs to be worked on. This means that a person should be able to admit his mistakes and try not to make them in the future, as well as control negative emotions.

Expand your horizons

In order for you to be in the eyes of people not only an ordinary listener, but also a person with whom it is pleasant and interesting to talk, actively expand your horizons. Read books, be interested in news, events, people. Agree, a conversation with an erudite interlocutor is much more entertaining than with a person who cannot even connect two words. For a fruitful and exciting conversation, not only the rules of conduct are important, but also what you can give to the other side, whether you will be able to understand your interlocutor and keep up the conversation on a particular topic. After all, comprehensively developed person knows how to properly communicate with people, knows how to quickly adapt to the conversation and quickly finds a common language with people.

Speak clearly and distinctly

To learn how to communicate - communicate!

Many people, feeling awkward and embarrassed when talking, try not to talk to anyone, thereby further aggravating their situation. A person who avoids communication will never become a good conversationalist! You will learn how to have a casual conversation only in the case of active communication. Put aside your "I'm afraid to talk to people" complex and start talking. No one requires you to have a fiery speech by a leader, an exciting story by a speaker, a persuasive monologue by an advertiser, you can start by simply asking questions, talking on familiar topics and listening. Remember, the more you communicate, the faster you will learn the basics of communication. At the same time, you do not need to complicate your life by reading literature on this topic, studying hundreds of sources on the Internet and carefully preparing every word. You just need to communicate, regularly practicing skills with different people.

Talk to sellers in the market, in the supermarket and boutiques, communicate with colleagues and acquaintances. Each conversation, each new meeting will become a brick in your experience and will help increase your self-confidence. Record your monologue on video and watch facial expressions, gestures, speech. It will immediately become clear to you what you need to work on and what your advantage is. Practice and remember that the power of the word is great, multifaceted and can have a powerful impact on your life.

We hope that we have given exhaustive answers to the question of how to learn to communicate with people.

The ability to communicate with people determines the success of a social person. This is almost never specifically taught anywhere, with the exception of personal development trainings, but this is often not enough: you can listen to many lectures and inspiring examples, but stay in place. To master communication skills, you need to work on your self-esteem and self-development daily and, of course, practice in everyday life.

IT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW! Fortuneteller Baba Nina:"There will always be plenty of money if you put it under your pillow..." Read more >>

How to increase self-esteem?

It is impossible to successfully communicate with people and build relationships with them if a person has low self-esteem and does not consider himself interesting and worthy. Communication is one of the main ways to increase it, it must be practiced daily: with strangers, relatives, friends, colleagues. Expert advice will help you not to get lost when communicating:

1. 1. Expand your vocabulary: read books and watch quality movies. In addition to the lexicon, they enrich experience and broaden their horizons. It is recommended to write down the most liked phrases and statements.
2. 2. Develop - learn something new every day, both in a permanent field of activity, and in previously unfamiliar ones.
3. 3. Touch creativity - engage in it or enjoy works of art: painting, music, photography, handmade and other types.
4. 4. Get out of your comfort zone - set yourself new small and big goals and achieve them.
5. 5. Discipline yourself - get a notebook, write in it everything that you want to have time to do in a year, month, week, every day. Completing the items on this list brings moral satisfaction and helps to get organized.
6. 6. Praise yourself for your actions and accomplishments. They do not have to be recognized norms of society, these can be little things that are important for a particular person, and only he himself has the right to consider them reasons for praise.
7. 7. Keep an eye on your appearance - attractive people are much more interesting than groomed and untidy.

It is important in the process of communication to be aware of your individuality, to love and respect yourself. You may not have outstanding abilities and skills in the current period of time, but knowing your worth - this will help you be open and not complex about shortcomings.

There are no perfect people who have all sides strong. To determine your own, you need to think about them alone and, if necessary, write them down. Further - to work on their improvement and development of weak qualities.

How to communicate with people?

Learning to communicate with people means being able not only to express your thoughts competently and beautifully, but also to talk to a person. Communication is a two-way process in which all participants exchange their thoughts, each of them has the right to exist.

A simple technique will help you overcome your fear. Before or during each conversation, when difficulties arise, it is necessary to remember that the interlocutor is the same person, he also tends to doubt his own interest and he also has a lot of complexes, but at the same time he has a number of positive qualities.

What do the people around you want?

To be interesting to other people, you need to understand their psychology. To understand what they want is to have a secret weapon of influence and charm. To do this, you need to learn to think more broadly, to realize that there are different, different from your own point of view, priorities, hobbies. Despite the fact that all people are individual, each of them has their own aspirations and preferences:

You need to talk with a person on any topic absolutely sincerely: ask questions, answer oncoming ones, give assessments, praise, express your opinion - everything should have a piece of the soul and real emotions

How to please others?

You can learn to communicate with people only by constantly practicing it. In order for people to want and be pleased to talk with someone, they must arouse sympathy in them. This is not at all difficult to achieve if you follow these recommendations:

1. 1. Work on yourself and be confident in your strengths.
2. 2. Consider the wishes of others as described above.
3. 3. Do not complain about fate - negativity about health, environment, material problems, career is guaranteed to repel people. Everyone has enough problems of their own, they don't need someone else's. Everyone is drawn to easy people, optimists who are able to overcome ordinary life difficulties and problems with a smile and dignity.
4. 4. Do not swear about others: common acquaintances - because the speaker's assessment may not coincide with the opinion of the interlocutor, about strangers - because it is not interesting. In addition, such a topic of conversation will help to form a negative opinion about a person, there is a wise Spanish proverb "Whoever gossips in front of you, gossips about you."
5. 5. Be sincere in showing positive emotions and tactfully, culturally demonstrate negative ones.
6. 6. Be relevant - if no one is interested in the topic that you want to talk about, it should not be raised.
7. 7. Stay open, answer questions honestly, learn to trust others.
8. 8. Bring a smile: A sense of humor is the best cure for mental disorders and the most effective way to get sympathy.

It is important to remember that none of those around is obliged to justify trust in them - they did not ask for it and should not respond in kind or change their attitude towards the interlocutor, because they have opened their souls. Trust is a way to open up to the world, it is necessary for anyone who wants to learn how to communicate.

How to be an interesting conversationalist?

To be able to communicate confidently, you need to sincerely want it and remember that the essence of communication is not only to talk about yourself, but also to receive information from others. Imperfect speech is easily covered by positive and kind attitude towards others.

What you need to consider in the interlocutor:

• temperament and character;
• mood in this moment- not every minute it is suitable for conversation;
• employment - if he is in a hurry or focused on business, it is more appropriate to postpone the conversation;
• social status - if he is successful by the standards of society, then it is important to observe subordination, avoid slang, familiarity, informal tone;
• gender - women need to be complimented more often, a significant part of them may relate to appearance, while men should be praised less often, but reasonably, for personal and professional qualities.

Exercises for daily practice of his script will help to conduct a conversation well. It will not be the same every day and with all people, but the average scheme looks like this:

Conversation stage	Recommendations	Example
Greetings	It should be carried out as cordially as possible and with a smile. A person should feel that he is welcome. At this stage, it does not hurt to ask about the current course of his affairs, avoiding banal words and taking into account his individual characteristics.	How did you get from your remote area? How are you holding up? Vigorous with such a busy schedule? Have you had a toothache the other day, have you been to the dentist?
Rapprochement	If it is appropriate, say that you missed, worried or thought about a person until you saw him. If at the greeting stage he complained about something - support, say that you understand, you sympathize, but you are sure that he will cope in the same way as with other problems	From the moment I saw your drawings, they have been in my head. I showed it to all my relatives, my daughter is delighted! Yes, health problems are unsettling, but glad that they pass
Answers on questions	If the interlocutor asks counter questions about well-being or current affairs, then you need to briefly but concisely answer them with the maximum positive, politely thank you for your interest	Thanks, arrived great. Although I had to try on the image of Neo from the Matrix on the bus, but I was not the only one
Questions	This is the most important part of any conversation, because it should not look like an interrogation, tedious obsessive questioning or attempts to get into the soul. Understanding their relevance will help the reaction of the person and his answers. You need to ask what is hypothetically interesting to the interlocutor, it is desirable to determine topics of interest to him before the conversation, based on information from past communication experience, social networks, positive statements about him by others. At this stage, you can ask him for advice, justifying your request with his competence.	Are you always wearing headphones, what kind of music do you like? Are you just a listener or creating something of your own? What are your favorite books/movies? How long have you been doing sports?
compliments	Expressing feedback to the answers in the form of approval and admiration, you need to make compliments. This technique flawlessly wins over both girls and guys.	You have excellent taste. You are an interesting person. I thought that such a physical form is created by years of self-discipline and constant training. You inspired me to go to the gym, I've been thinking about it for a long time
Thanks for the communication	One phrase, spoken at ease and sincerely, you need to thank the person for the dialogue - this will leave a pleasant impression	Thanks, it was nice talking to you. It was interesting to learn such a non-standard point of view. You are an easy person, I would love to talk to you again.

You can start working on this technique of building a conversation with your relatives and relatives, observe how to speak better and what things to avoid, develop your own individual style that will help reveal personal characteristics. But each conversation will be different.

At the initial stage of communication, it is recommended to rehearse your statements in front of a mirror, noting the features of your facial expressions and gestures. The “find a synonym” exercise, which can be performed at any convenient time, even doing household chores, will also be effective - it will help expand vocabulary.

Corresponding and talking on the phone is much easier - it is easier to hide embarrassment and excitement, it is from them that most psychologists recommend starting to hone the skill. The proposed scheme is suitable for correspondence communication in the same way as for tête-à-tête.

It is impossible to become an interesting interlocutor in 1 day, as well as in the absence of constant practice. Patience and constant work on yourself will allow you to achieve positive noticeable results after a few months of effort.

And some secrets...

The story of one of our readers Alina R.:

My weight especially bothered me. I gained a lot, after pregnancy I weighed like 3 sumo wrestlers together, namely 92 kg with a height of 165. I thought my stomach would come down after childbirth, but no, on the contrary, I began to gain weight. How to deal with hormonal changes and obesity? But nothing disfigures or rejuvenates a person as much as his figure. In my 20s, I first learned that fat girls are called "WOMAN", and that "they don't sew such sizes." Then at the age of 29, a divorce from her husband and depression ...

But what can you do to lose weight? Laser liposuction surgery? Learned - not less than 5 thousand dollars. Hardware procedures - LPG massage, cavitation, RF lifting, myostimulation? A little more affordable - the course costs from 80 thousand rubles with a consultant nutritionist. You can of course try to run on a treadmill, to the point of insanity.

And when to find the time for all this? Yes, it's still very expensive. Especially now. So for myself I chose a different way ...

Secrets of communication skills - what affects the ability to communicate, how to overcome the fear of communication and become an interesting conversationalist?

Many people indicate such qualities as sociability, or the ability to communicate with other people, as their merits. However, in reality, it often turns out that their capabilities are limited to communication only in a certain company of persons close to them (relatives or friends), in front of whom certain rules of correctness may not be observed. For example, you can often see young people who, standing in a circle, express their thoughts and attitudes exclusively with the help of obscene language. At the same time, they can slap each other on the back, conduct a comic fight, laugh out loud and comment on the words of the interlocutors only with the help of short “obscene” words. When such people get into the company of people unfamiliar to them, their more than liberated behavior changes dramatically: they become squeezed, they cannot say almost anything intelligible. When communicating with people of the opposite sex, the same situation may arise, especially if the person you like does not speak in their usual manner, but has the ability to clearly and clearly express their thoughts without resorting to "strong" expressions.

What factors affect the ability to communicate with other people

Often there are situations when a person whom we know as positive in all respects, an excellent interlocutor, suddenly begins to behave in a slightly different way. He can be absent-minded, at times react aggressively even to the most trifling remarks and remarks, generally refuse the intention to even maintain the appearance of a conversation and completely withdraw into himself. Insecure people usually perceive this completely at their own expense and begin to respond with the same aggression or leave the interlocutor.

The question arises, what's the matter? Before you start communicating with others, you need to distract yourself from any negative thoughts and states. If you yourself or your interlocutor got up on the wrong foot, all his charm can evaporate somewhere. Only an irritated grumbler will remain, who no longer inspires any warm feelings and with whom one simply does not want to be in the same room.

It happens that the interlocutors do not trust each other and the conversation in the company does not go well. Just sitting and looking at each other is not interesting, so someone takes the liberty of starting the conversation first. What is he doing? First of all, you need to get to know other people sitting around, give your name. A feeling of distrust arises if the person who started this process recognizes the names of other people present, but does not name himself at the same time.

Often the initiative in communication comes from one person.

Another nuance is to start or intervene in a conversation without relying on topics that are interesting and familiar to other people. Not knowing what others are talking about, you can get into trouble and then spend the rest of the evening angry at yourself and others for what happened.

The complete absence of any manifestations of emotions or, on the contrary, excessive emotionality, especially exaltation, also does not cause a desire to communicate with a person who demonstrates all this. One gets the impression that he is either too "frozen" in regards to expressing his feelings, or simply does not know when to stop if he shows his feelings. Both dramatically reduce the level of trust and the desire to communicate. Simulation of emotions, smiles and laughter out of place - these are clearly not the means that allow you to win over other people and create an atmosphere conducive to communication.

You have seen how people are not even very good knowing friend friend, sometimes create interesting situations when they want to talk? They sit closer, but not so much that their communication looks too intimate from the outside. It is also difficult to imagine how you can interest another person in yourself, being at a distance of about 3-5 meters from him, and carry on a conversation on personal topics. On the other hand, if a completely unfamiliar person sits close to you, starts grabbing your hands, patting your shoulder or whispering annoyingly in your ear ... This behavior usually makes you want to quickly stop communicating and run away from your counterpart as quickly and as far as possible.

Or such a case when someone excitedly talks about something, not even paying attention to the reaction of others. At the same time, he accompanies his every word with immoderate gestures, annoying gazes, or does not look at anyone at all. One can only guess what desires ripen in the souls of those who were not lucky enough to be around ...

Failed Communication Experiences Can Make You Introverted

Summing up what has been said, we note that a person’s ability to communicate with others is influenced by factors such as:

• emotional state of interlocutors;
• common interests of those present;
• visual contact and distance between interlocutors;
• feeling of self-confidence;
• emotional involvement in the process of communication;
• the ability to listen to others.

How to learn to communicate with other people

Some people sometimes cause slight envy because they can easily communicate with those around them. It seems that the very possibility of approaching someone and starting a conversation with him is not difficult for them. And for others, the very thought of this seems simply frightening: what if this person says something that, after his words, you just want to fall through the ground? Or die on the spot?

It is often difficult to start a conversation

Let go of prejudice. Starting communication with another person, you need to abandon any ready-made attitudes and thoughts about him. It is various “cockroaches” like “what if”, “what if”, “God forbid” and so on that can already in the bud suppress your ability to see a person in front of you. A person, and not the label that you have put on him because of his appearance or behavior. Remember, no one is responsible for your load of failures or what you call your failure. You are also far from an angel, and other people have to put up with your shortcomings. It is better to pay attention to the positive qualities of the person with whom you communicate. As psychotherapists say, there are no flaws in a person, but there are peculiar virtues that you need to take a closer look at and learn to accept them.

Be confident. An important key to developing the ability to communicate with others is to be a confident person. Moreover, we calculate a person with such qualities intuitively. Such a person behaves without too much fuss, chooses words, is not afraid to look the interlocutor in the eye and express his emotions. At the same time, he does not stick out his knowledge and competence, speaks in the correct language, does not try to crush him with his status and authority. Before giving an answer, he takes a short pause, speaks measuredly and quietly, but not in a whisper.

Maintain eye contact and use feedback. Usually people who are known to be good conversationalists know how to listen to others. This is expressed in the fact that they not only listen, but also ask various clarifying questions and encourage the interlocutor. At the same time, they from time to time look into the eyes of the interlocutor, but do not use x-ray staring. Usually, a police gaze usually makes one want to escape from such a deep dive into someone's inner world.

Learn to listen to your interlocutor

Do not decide for your interlocutor how to behave. Often in films on the topic of relations between men and women, a moment is played out when the cause of conflicts is shown - the inability to listen to another person. He talks about his, you talk about yours. Then everyone begins to accuse the other of inattention, but for some reason no one even thinks that their own egoism and wrong expectations regarding other people can be to blame for everything. In the sense that a person is more interested in his thoughts, feelings and relationships than other people from the immediate environment. It's like in a joke that a man, having gone into the bathroom to wash and shave, came out of there a divorced man in just five minutes. And all because the wife asked some question, answered herself, got angry, offended and ... finita la comedy.

Express your thoughts clearly and clearly. Learn to express your thoughts in an accessible and clear manner. Some people think that the omissions and the ability to read between the lines give a special flavor to the conversation. Usually, everything happens exactly the opposite: if someone does not fully understand what it is about, he begins to experience a feeling of irritation, boredom appears and a desire to simply retire somewhere else. Where everyone talks about understandable things and understandable language.

Avoid value judgments and be able to ask questions. It is also important to be able to avoid evaluative reactions like “Nonsense”, “Nonsense” or “You can think of it too!”. When the interlocutor receives such an assessment from a communication partner, he gets the impression that no one is interested in the questions that concern him. It awakens a sense of its own insignificance and inferiority. Whatever he says, you need to listen to him to the end. But do not bombard a person with an endless stream of questions, otherwise he will decide that he is under interrogation with prejudice, and will try to interrupt communication that is difficult for him.

Know how to manage the attention of the interlocutor. An important point that allows you to win over other people is the ability to control space and your body. This means that you need to be able to reduce or increase the distance between yourself and the interlocutor. For example, if you think the atmosphere is getting too high, it makes sense to use the excuse to leave the person alone with their thoughts for a while. You can disappear from his field of vision, but do not interrupt communication. You can ask questions or tell something, preferably with humorous overtones. It is better to switch the attention of the interlocutor to something else, to distract him in this way. For example, offer a cup of tea or coffee, offer sweets or fruits. The psychological meaning of this is that a person switches from a verbal, mental or emotional channel to the level of sensations and tension decreases.

Expand your horizons and vocabulary. A person who knows how to express even the simplest things in a beautiful literary language immediately attracts attention. People begin to reach out to him simply out of a desire to communicate and listen. Remember how Dumas described the oldest of the musketeers - Athos? Despite his modest clothes, he immediately became the center of attention of any company. He was distinguished not only by his excellent manners, but also by his ability to keep up a conversation on any topic. He even surprised the king, who considered himself an expert in the field of falconry.

The most important thing - don't be afraid to communicate! Even if the answer is not the way you wanted, nothing terrible will happen to you personally. A negative result is also a result that life experience gives. But next time you will know that there are some nuances with which you need to be very careful. Without practice, any skill will atrophy by itself. Including the ability to say something ...

Despite the fact that most of us like to show off our inner freedom and looseness, many people around the world still continue to suffer from excessive shyness, lack of communication and complexes. Of course, this hinders them not only in terms of their careers, but also in their personal lives.

With people? Think it's hard and you can't handle it? Wrong! If you know a few fairly simple rules, you can easily establish contact with any interlocutor.

So, the topic of our today's conversation is "Communicate with people without problems."

Rule one. The main thing

If you are determined to learn how to communicate with people, remember the most important rule: "People will treat you the way you treat them." Those. by and large - this is the principle of the mirror. Therefore, it is important not to forget that if relationships with this or that person are important to you, try to always speak kindly and slowly.

smile

Join the conversation

How to learn to communicate with people if it is unusual and inconvenient to even begin to express your own opinions? According to psychologists, if you are in an unfamiliar company, try not to engage in dialogue at all for a while, at least until you finally determine the topic of conversation. Just sit and listen. And do not worry, no one will regard your silence as a sign of unfriendliness. Quite the contrary, in companies they love and value the listeners very much. You know, there are always many more people who want to talk and express their point of view than those who are ready to listen to the end, only from time to time asking clarifying questions.

Facial expressions and gestures

Surprised? Yes Yes! Your gestures and facial expressions are as important as anything else. If you try to hide it, the person may think that your behavior is somehow unnatural, that you are hiding something and are most likely deceiving. Although remember that excessive gesticulation is a sign of nervousness. And this, you see, few people like it. Reveal a secret to you? If you really want to know how to learn how to communicate with people, remember: slow, narrow and gentle gestures, and especially open palms, is one way to please others. In addition, psychologists advise using the so-called "mirroring" method, which consists in trying to copy the pace of speech and gestures of your interlocutor. The better you do it, the more likely it is that they will see you as a close in spirit, almost a native person.

Sight

The eyes, of course, are another important item. And this is not at all surprising. After all, it is with the help of views that, according to scientists, we get up to 90% of all the necessary information.

In this article, I tried to tell as much as possible about how to learn to communicate with and give each other pleasure from this conversation. But believe me, the most important thing is not demeanor or speech at all. You yourself should act as an interesting interlocutor. If you want to gain popularity, communicate more and have a huge number of friends, try to captivate a person, keep up the conversation, let your eyes glow, do not leave your lips, and life is in full swing. And then, believe me, you will not have to look for communication, it will find you by itself.