The whole problem, if you can call it that, is just how different men and women are in terms of worldview. A woman, despite being emotional, gets hung up on trifles, so a man can be really very good in all respects, but a small mole on his cheek or small stature, for example, will make him already ordinary in the eyes of a woman. Men, on the other hand, have a very small and clear idea of ​​the potential advantages of a woman over rivals, so men are more likely to call certain women ideal.

This doesn't sound like flattery, because men don't need to lie to a lady. If you are very beautiful, they will tell you so. If you are smart, then you will also receive such a compliment. Being perfect means having a very simple set of skills and options that other ladies do not have. At the same time, various trifles such as moles, scars, voice heights are not important for men at all.

Sign one: you take care of yourself and look after your appearance

This does not mean that you have to be Miss Universe. It just means that you smell delicious, your hair is clean, and your clothes are ironed and attract attention. Any lady can achieve this effect - plump, thin, tall, small.

Try to always stand out at work with your neat appearance, and outside of it, if you want, you can look natural, in a word, strive to make your appearance impeccable. It goes without saying that this will only work on men who have been with you on a date or on strangers.

Sign two: you know perfectly well what you need

There are many women who go with the flow. They do not cause full-fledged admiration in men, because they like it when ladies show some purely masculine qualities. For example, men know what they need in this moment, in the next month, year, 10 years. You, too, can value your ideals and not turn away from them. This is very popular with men. The stronger sex in this case understands that you will not need to be dragged on yourself, that you will help in case of any problems yourself, and will not helplessly stay on the sidelines.

Sign Three: You Don't Gossip

If a woman does not gossip, then a man sees that she will not complain behind his back. Considering that women often like to discuss someone when they get together, this plus will be very significant. This, at the very least, makes you special. Of course, this is partly a stereotype, however, it is not unfounded. Everyone can have a passion for discussing other people's shortcomings, but excessive zeal in this direction will not make you an ideal lady in the eyes of any man.

Sign four: a man feels happy next to you

This is already a sign that is characteristic of girls in a relationship. Such a feeling of happiness can appear in a man already in the first hours of communication with you, so we decided to include a feeling of happiness in the list. If you know how to make a man like to be with you, then you have already half won his heart. Basically, you don't even need to meet for this. It is enough to be just good friends for a man to understand this.

Sign five: you are independent

Self-sufficiency is a huge plus for a person, no matter what gender he is. A woman who can earn money for herself is a challenge for a man, but a very pleasant one. If you work and you do something very well, men will be drawn to you, they will think you are perfect.

Sign six: people are not ashamed to be around you

You don't have to be the Queen of Britain to please someone. If you can behave normally in society, then this is already a huge plus. If a man understands that you can go to war with you, even to a store, even to a restaurant or to a concert of his favorite rock band, then you are ideal for him. It is important for him that he should not be ashamed to be near you.

Sign Seven: You're not obsessed with fashion

This is very important, because a woman's obsession with fashion is very annoying for men. They understand that you spend hours shopping, and also do not have a particularly interesting inner world, because people who can only follow something or someone do not inspire confidence. It is possible that a man will also be a part of this fashion for you. Men think that fashionistas choose only the shell, not the inner world. In part, by the way, it is.

Sign #8: You have a sense of humor

You don't have to be a collection of jokes. It is enough just to understand men's jokes to become truly desirable in the men's team. No need to swear, but you need to understand that men often find this funny. Learn not to take harsh male humor with hostility.

Sign nine: you can keep up the conversation

Men love ladies who can talk about anything. To do this, of course, you must have a certain set of knowledge, so erudition will be needed in any case. Just listen to what men are talking about and be ready to keep the conversation going. If you are overly feminine, you will have to step outside your comfort zone a little, but in order to carry the title of the ideal lady, you sometimes need to make sacrifices and work on yourself.

Sign ten: you do not present yourself as a goddess

You communicate with people who can be from any society, with any material status, gender. Very often you can see women who, having felt their feminine power, begin to put themselves above the rest. It pushes other people away.

If you want to communicate with those who will turn away from you if you lose your status, then communicate, but if you want to find honest men, you will have to learn to respect everyone and not behave like a queen that everyone around should.

Sign Eleven: Do you have a hobby?

This hobby should completely absorb you. In fact, your passion should be so strong that a man even gets a little jealous of you. This will show him that you are passionate, you have something from which you want to feed on energy, inspiration.

Sign 12: You are not trying to get men to fight for you.

This means that you do not need to create some kind of hype around your person. Many women live by this, because happiness does not shine for them. They choose men who have done a great job to get them, or quite the opposite, who have not lifted a finger. You yourself do not invest in relationships when everything revolves around you. You need to be simpler so that the world loves you, not hates you.

Sign thirteen: you are not shy

There are too shy girls and women with whom it is extremely difficult for men to find a common language. This is even normal to some extent, but excessive shyness kills any desire to see a really interesting lady in you. Excess shyness is dangerous, just like its absence. Balance is important here, because the ideal woman in the eyes of a man always knows how to be both a gentle “shy” and a daring shameless woman.

Sign fourteen: you do not impose

Many men like it when the ladies themselves show some interest, but if you are eager to get married on the first date, confess your love to the grave or, even worse. Chase a man everywhere, it will push him away from you forever. Of course, there are few such ladies, but they exist. You need to learn not to be like that.

These are not always rude words or screams. It can be very subtle, but it can also scare you and make you feel inadequate.

Signs of verbal abuse

Verbal abuse is not always rude words or screams. It can be very subtle, but it can also scare you and make you feel inadequate.

When we hear the word "violence", we immediately associate it with some kind of aggression of the physical plane. However, there is also verbal violence, which, although it leaves no visible traces, is no less painful and destructive than physical violence.

Due to the lack of visible signs, it can be difficult to determine whether a person is a victim of verbal abuse or not, so you should be vigilant and pay attention to the following "symptoms":

1. You feel fear even when you are not being yelled at.

It would be erroneous to believe that verbal violence is necessarily shouting and discussions in raised tones. In fact, the psychological "aggressor" is trying to manipulate his victim. He makes her doubt herself and do what he wants ... and do it without her noticing.

To do this, he is likely to be very kind and kind to lull vigilance. So the fact that aggressive behavior no, it does not mean that there is no verbal violence. There may still be threats, both explicit and hidden (just hints, conditions, "rules", etc.).

Do you not know how the other person will react if you don't do something? Are you afraid of your comments? Watch your every word and action so as not to disturb him and not cause his disapproval, irritation or anger?

2. You are constantly compared to someone and blamed for everything.

We all want others to respect our individuality and accept us for who we are. But often verbal abuse undermines our self-confidence through constant comparisons and accusations.

No one likes to be told that someone else is smarter, prettier or more successful in business. Especially when reproach, mockery and anger are heard in the tone. And listening to it every day is a strong blow to self-esteem.

You need to get out of this situation as soon as possible. Preferably as soon as you notice a problem.

Remember, no one has the right to make you feel inferior, under any circumstances.
Because of constant comparisons, the victim feels guilty, this is a common situation. The abuser will try to do everything possible to make you feel guilty for literally everything that happens around.

3. You are always afraid of something.

You may notice that you are a victim of verbal abuse if you experience fear every time you are near this person.

This signal can be very subtle: jokes, derogatory comments, profanity… All of these hurt your self-esteem. This kind of humiliation and "intimidation" can eventually force you to do something that you do not want or, moreover, consider humiliating for yourself.

4. You always feel like you're being blamed or being "interrogated"

Another sign of verbal abuse is the direct attacks of the “aggressor”, associated with a lack of trust in you and confidence in your abilities. All this is aimed at lowering your self-esteem so that you begin to doubt your every word or action.

Such accusations and interrogations may occur periodically, and their stinging power may increase gradually. But you must see the impending danger in time.

The most common mistake is to justify the aggressor to calm your fears. But the problem is that over time the situation will only get worse.

5. You get in a bad mood

What surrounds us affects us in one way or another, we are all living beings. And if you are a victim of verbal abuse, then this will have certain consequences, and you should pay attention to them:

Try to analyze your mood when you are around other people: can you single out those who make you truly happy? And are there those who morally "empty" and "exhaust" you?

If you can determine that there is a person in your environment who causes only negative emotions in you, with whom it is unpleasant for you to be around, because you always feel bad (sadness, boredom, irritation, discomfort), then it is time to end such a relationship. .

Sometimes it's hard to admit to ourselves that someone can influence us.(especially in a negative way - to harm). Nevertheless, it is better to take it for granted and distance yourself from “harmful” people in time.

It is very important to pay attention to what feelings you are experiencing, how far they diverge from your expectations, because psychological aggressors, as a rule, do everything very subtly.

And if we are talking about your partner in life, about the person for whom you have strong feelings, you need to try to be objective. Only then will you be able to see that you are being harmed. And then you can already decide how to proceed further in order to get out of this situation.

6. Are you yourself a verbal abuser?

People copy the behavior of others. And many victims, after being treated cruelly, themselves subsequently become aggressors and tormentors.

A child, for example, who grew up in an environment of "uncontrollable emotions" is also very likely to practice verbal abuse in adulthood. Simply because he could not once learn to control his emotions and feelings.

Of course, it is possible to “heal” and break this “vicious circle”. It is best to find a good specialist for this, who will help overcome the suffering experienced. He will give recommendations on how to build so-called healthy relationships with others.

Fight verbal abuse

Recognizing and accepting the fact that you are a victim of verbal abuse is not easy. But remember that your well-being directly depends on how much attention you pay to this problem.

And before you worry about how your environment will react (to certain of your actions and decisions), you should remember that your main concern is yourself! So do what's best for you and don't look back at anyone! published .

Have questions - ask them

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet

We all know that physical and psychological abuse is bad. However, even minimal signs of such violence easily seep into your relationship and remain almost imperceptible for a long time. Now we are talking about narcissism. A narcissist is a person who is completely obsessed and only interested in himself. But how do you know if you are the victim of such a manipulator?

1. You feel anxious or depressed

Feeling that everything you do is wrong: for example, you are not worthy of love and attention, or you have to fight very hard to get it. You can look for the causes of your depression in different sources, but in the end, the cause will always be related to your toxic relationship with a narcissist.

2. You feel like you're going crazy

Gaslighting is a favorite tactic of narcissists to manipulate their loved ones. They substitute concepts and play with details to make someone believe that they are going crazy. Narcissists want you to doubt yourself, your perceptions and feelings, not them. They will convince you that they are always right and always innocent.

3. They change drastically over time

At first, you are satisfied with their compliments, charm and desire to please you. But once this stage is over, the narcissist will make you believe that he is the best and you don't deserve him.

4. They attack when you ask them questions.

The narcissist enjoys developing conflicts. He uses anger and a defensive stance to make people doubt him. If you upset him even a little, the narcissist will attack you with incredible fury.

5. They don't take responsibility for their actions.

The narcissist tries to convince you that everything happened through your fault, and he himself is perfect and flawless. He projects any problem onto others and makes them feel guilty. In other words, if you do something that the narcissist doesn't like, you are at fault; if a narcissist does something you don't like, you are to blame for forcing him to do it. Such people always find excuses for their unacceptable behavior.

6. They use emotional traps as a defense.

Narcissists are afraid when someone tries to expose their flaws - that's why they avoid such situations. If they suspect that you will be angry with them, they will do everything possible to prevent a trivial showdown. Emotional blackmail is their most active weapon.

7. They lower your self-esteem

If you are a victim of a narcissist, you probably don't think much of yourself. He has already taken control of you, and you believe that only a narcissist can properly direct your life. The narcissist masterfully uses your weaknesses to further erode your self-confidence and mislead.

8. They never acknowledge your success.

A narcissist always wants to make you believe that you have not achieved anything. This attitude can have a very powerful effect on your self-esteem and convince you of your personal weakness. This is a toxic exposure tactic to tie you down even more.

9. They lie all the time

Narcissists have no conscience or empathy. They always modify their stories to make them seem believable and let you know that you are the problem, not the narcissists. Chronic lying is a very common form of narcissistic emotional abuse.

10 They Are Capable Of Physical Violence

Although narcissists prefer psychological manipulation, they can sometimes turn to physical violence as well – most often when they are enraged. Because many narcissistic people can't handle disappointment or rejection, they will react that way when you don't give them what they want and in the way they want it.

Since puddle in the church since 1981, my task was to observe the lives of thousands of believers. As a result of this, I came to the conclusion that there are believers who consider themselves to be such, but at the same time share worldly values. However, these worldly believers are slightly different from the concept of a "carnal Christian," which implies overt sins of the flesh and emotions (see 1 Corinthians 3:1-4). Of these two types, the secular believer, like "secular Christianity" (the concept, by the way, is contradictory and therefore misused), is a more subtle concept, because such a person is "embellished" with spirituality and outward calm, but his foundation is based on worldly values.

Below are 10 signs of a worldly believer:

1. You make important decisions without knowing God's will.

Many believers are atheists in practice, because they make important decisions, such as marriage, moving to a new place, changing jobs or churches, without asking the Lord, without consulting ministers, and without turning to Scripture.

2. You care more about the opinions of others than God.

In this age of "selfies", appearance, status and popularity among friends sometimes have greater value than understanding the fear of the Lord, which is the beginning of wisdom (Prov. 9:10). If we are more concerned with what people think of us than following God's ways, we are worldly.

3. You are led by money, not by the Holy Spirit.

Whenever you put money before God, you are acting worldly. Therefore, many so-called believers work hard; after that, they rarely have time to participate in their church community. Jesus said: “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all this will be added to you”(Mat. 6:33).

4. You attend church services primarily for fellowship.

The main purpose of attending services for the lay believer is to meet friends, while biblical followers of Christ aim to meet the Lord in the context of fellowship with other believers and hear what the Spirit is saying to the church.

5. You share the values ​​of popular culture.

Lay believers practice worldly values ​​when it comes to dating, premarital sex, dress code, music, speech, and so on. It reminds me of the old saying: "If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it's a duck!" If inside you share the value system of this world, then you have a carnal mindset, not a spiritual one.

6. God is just a part of your life.

True followers of Christ do not simply make God a part of life. He is their life! (Col. 3:1-4).

7. Your lifestyle is not about seeking God.

Lay believers may say short prayers here and there, which are usually aimed at blessing their worldly way of life, but they do not seek God's face in prayer with constancy and do not fill themselves with Scripture.

8. Your life is not a witness to the gospel to others.

Lay believers do not take on the burden of winning others to Christ. Many of them have not led a single person to God in the last 5-10 years! The reason is that they are so focused on this world that they have no sense of eternity. Unfortunately, in many cases, unsaved relatives, friends, and co-workers do not see the difference between such believers and unbelievers.

9. You don't make disciples.

There are people in the Body of Christ today who repented many years ago but are not interested in making even one disciple. If you are not currently mentoring and helping someone mature in Christ, then you are not knowingly obeying the great commission given to us by Jesus (Matt. 28:19). Even if you have the title of pastor or senior minister, this does not mean that you are making disciples.

10. You don't practice biblical financial management.

Subscribe:

It is sad that many in the Body of Christ do not believe that their money belongs to God. How do I know this? Because they give tithes and offerings only when it suits them. They live as if they are responsible for their own lives, money and well-being. Even those who tithe must understand that God claims to own 100% of your money, not just 10%. If you spend money as if it were your own, then you are not practicing biblical financial management. You are acting like a lay believer, not like a true Christian.

Author - Joseph Mattera/charismanews.com
Translation - Alina Ryaboshapka for

Joseph Mattera – internationally renowned author, futurist, cultural commentator, theologian and active person whose mission is to influence leaders who have influence over countries. He leads several organizations, including the Coalition of Apostolic Leaders in the USA.(uscal.us) . Also maintains a blog called "Pulse" in the magazine Charisma .

Usually people believe that a leader must be born or hard work to achieve a leading position. But rarely is a leader born. If we wanted to understand what factors influence a person to become a leader, then most likely it would be a combination of perseverance and a fortunate combination of circumstances.

You are open-minded and always ready to listen to someone else's opinion

If people are drawn to you because of your openness, you are a leader.

You are always ready to give good advice

If people often ask you for advice, then your point of view has value in the eyes of others. If you help people pave the way, then you are a leader.

People are counting on you

If people rely on you, then you know how to keep your word. If you show responsibility every day, then others trust you, and therefore you are a leader.

You are a good listener and people trust you with their secrets.

The ability to listen to other people who trust you with their secrets without fear that you can use what you hear against them is a sign of strong leadership, not to mention that it is a sign of a decent person. If you understand that listening is more important than talking, and if people know they can trust you, you are a leader.

Others follow your example

The most powerful form of leadership is not persuasion or coercion, but by example. People can tell the difference between a slacker and a hard worker. If that person is you, others will naturally follow you, and you are the leader.

You strive for perfection

Aristotle said: “We are what we repeatedly do.

Perfection, therefore, is not an act, but a habit. When you strive to achieve excellence yourself and encourage others to do so, you seem to be telling them that you would rather act than talk and promise. If you are not looking for excuses, but support high standard quality, you are the leader.

you have a positive attitude

Positive, optimistic people make those around them happier. A positive outlook on the world does not mean that you close your eyes to problems, but allows you to find something good in almost any situation and know that everything will work out in the end. If you have inspiration that sows optimism and motivates other people, then you are a leader.

You treat people with respect

Knowledge can give you strength, intelligence can give you an advantage, but by treating others with respect, you always get respect in return. If you look for the good in everyone and respect them for who they are, people appreciate you and you are a leader.

You genuinely care about others